Dear 2024 adult twin bed...
You served me well, but it's time we part queen (no pun intended). We found each other about 2 years ago when I decided it was a great idea to have an optional sleeping area for me and my last boyfriend. The Helena B.C. & Tim Burton setup will always be my blueprint for couples living spaces. However, due to obvious financial restrictions, neighboring apartments were off the table. So we had to settle for a beautiful curled iron daybed purchased from a tres chic silverlake lesbian couple on fb marketplace. Who knew that when I picked you up in 2022, you would be my symbolic chastity belt a year and half later? Fate is a cruel jester's grin vibe like that, but perhaps freewill was working itself in my subconscious. Perhaps I'm always anticipating the shoe to drop & simply cannot be caught with my ass out... in hindsight probably that... you get it. After my ex moved out, I dumped my full size that was a hand me down gift from some lady in Oklahoma. And I made the bold identity shift from wifey to adult 5'9" cat lady in a twin bed. Yay it was honestly cunty and I don't regret it for a second!!!! It's not like we were total losers together, we did dom that goth guy and even did the final smash of my last relationship before the end of 2023. But on January 1st, 2024, I arose from the baptismal waters and emerged as a full blown nun. Cue Pose for Me by Natalie Nunn. We had a bunker x soldier style relationship: I arose early because I was generally uncomfortable + had shit to do allll the time, and worked late because indulgent bed-rotting wasn't an available luxury. I became thankful for the tiny sleeping space I was granted amidst heartbreak warfare (yes that is a John Mayer song that kinda slapped), and I knew once there was peace, I would be returning to something more comfortable. BUT I had to get up and out of the trenches to earn it! I needed a physical yet poetic device to seduce me into period of change.
Everyone said I was crazy for loving you, twin bed. But I think what we had was hot. You served as a spiritual hospital bed, Clara's floating bed into the land of the sugarplum fairy/ a stage-prop in some random production of Annie/ Beth's deathbed, an Even Cowgirls Get the Blues ranch-hand bunker, a straight jacket, a nursery crib, Peter Steele's goth gf vampire coffin in the best of times, a chrysalis, and the most dainty, limp-ankled, aristocratic fainting surface ofc. I took pride in our relationship, and although intentionally temporary, I will keep parts of you with me forever...except the rock hard mattress that snatched my lumbar spine every night.. and as I now sit my ass down on this tempur pedic throne... I am soooooo glad to dump you baby sorry! Just know it doesn't mean I never loved you </3
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This era of my metamorphosis is complete! How exciting! Here are my most romantic (and risqué) pics from this past year to commemorate my special relationship with probably my last twin bed until like 2078 when my gay son builds a tinyhouse for me:
ok for the grand finale...
here's the new queen..
see dw I still love you! like any great love, ofc I cant fully ever let go oopsie lol ♡
♡ ~just carry over the important parts into my next romance~
♡
(why is the theme song of this post Clumsy by Fergie- specifically the bridge? but also like, Orinoco Flow)
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